When you’re suffering from depression, the simplest of tasks can seem like the biggest effort in the world.
I’m still getting over my latest episode, the worst was a few weeks ago, but I’m getting better; we’re probably equal good & bad days at the moment.
Yesterday though, it hit me that I really haven’t been looking after myself at all. I’ve been sleeping on my sofa (when I can sleep), my flat is a tip (and not making me feel better about things at all), and some days I’ve not eaten at all (been replacing food with beet, mainly).
Noone needs to point out that these things combined make for a slower recovery process. I am fully aware of it, but I think that people assume that because you manage to get up, showered, dressed, madeup and out to work with a smile on your face that everything else is going ok. Anyone living with depression will tell you about the masks we wear.
So this evening after work, I tidied my kitchen (the smallest room in the house – it’s not even actually a room), and emptied the bin in the bathroom. Tiny things to any ‘normal’ person, but for someone dealing with a severe bout of depression, this is a huge, huge thing! I even made myself a lovely tea of steak, spinach & potatoes. I thought I deserved a treat after a really rather hellish week.
So my advice today: don’t beat yourself up for letting this slip a little when you’re not well. I’ve been feeling terrible for living like a slob this past month – what if someone turned up at my door?! But you know what? Today came around and I made a little change to that! I bought myself my weekly bunch of flowers and I even put the things away that were on the top of the cabinet.
Don’t take on too much, every little helps, so some suoermarket tells me. Working towards good days is more important that worrying about the state of your house, the good days will come when you can tackle that shit.