It’s funny how we just manage to keep chugging along isn’t it?
I’ve been sitting here thinking about the past few weeks, and quite honestly I’m surprised I’ve managed as well as I have. And that’s really saying something.
That’s not to say that it’s been easy. It certainly hasn’t. And by no means am I over it yet. I still can’t even say with honesty that I’m getting there.
I feel very alone. My confidence has really been knocked, and the feelings of failure and worthlessness are overwhelming. There are days that I can’t even manage to get myself out of bed, let alone pretend I’m a functioning human being. Yesterday I had a good cry, for a lot of the day. I have lost yet another significant person in my life as a result of this illness. Perhaps I am a pain in the arse.
I have a lot of things to do – a lot to sort out, but I just can’t face it. If I manage to get up and shower it’s a good day. I’d like to run away.
Yesterday when I was uploading dumb videos to YouTube I came across a video I mad as part of a project at university last year. The words seem even more relevant today.
People do judge you for having a mental illness. Depression is not something I choose to have, who would choose to live like this? I think that once you say you have this thing, people assume you need something from them. I don’t need anything from anyone except a little bit of understanding. And hugs. Hugs can make even the darkest days a little brighter.
I wish more people understood this.
A simple text to ask how I’m doing makes a difference. It’s the little things that help.
Make a pledge to end mental health stigma on the Time To Change Pledge Wall