Crikey! I can’t believe I haven’t posted here since July!!!!
It’s been a long time, but much more has happened in the first months of 2016 than since my last post!!
I began CBT in January, and despite often thinking that we don’t actually do much in the sessions (although I adore my nurse…is she a nurse? Counsellor? I dunno….anyway…), amazing things have happened. I am learning to say no. I am learning to stick up for myself. And most importantly, I am learning to articulate what I am feeling.
Sure, it’s not an easy journey, and I don’t consider myself anyway near ‘cured’, but I am certainly learning to deal with things in a completely different way.
I think it helps a great deal that I have an amazing partner who supports me totally, and at least tries to understand what’s going on, plus two dumb cats to come home to every night.
Recently, work has been pretty difficult for various reasons, but I’m still there, still chugging along, and still making it into work every day.
My family had some upsetting news in the new year, but again, I’ve tried my best to deal with it, and not let negative thoughts get the better of me. Again, I have kept chugging along.
I’m doing things for ME, rather than trying to please everyone else, which is how I’ve always lived my life. Only recently have I learned that’s not the best way to be.
I am being kinder to myself.
Things feel like they are finally falling into place. I am looking forward to the future for the first time I can remember. I have plans and ambitions, and I actually believe that I can achieve them. That is a HUGE thing.
I have a new outlook; I can make things better for myself. That’s not to say I ever relied on anyone else to make things better for me, but more that I was happy (or not, as the case may be), to just put up with what I had.
Something along the lines of ‘I am the master of my own destiny’.
So, 2016 is pretty awesome so far.
What else has it got in store?
I currently live inbetween Leominster and Ludlow, quite literally in the middle of nowhere, so I’d like to continue doing so.
The dream is to live cheaply, sustainably and simply. So I’m downsizing. Who knows how or when, but it’ll be happening.
in 2015 I attempted to grow some vegetables in my ‘garden’, but due to the fact that it gets little to no sunlight because of the position and overhanging trees, I only managed a tomato that never ripened and the tiniest carrot you’ve ever seen (but at least they grew, right?!), so maybe one of my goals this year is to grow, from seed, ONE thing I can eat! JUST THE ONE!!!!!!!
Maybe this is the start of my journey towards living the perfect life that I’ve never actually dreamed of, but is actually quite right for me. It’s funny how what’s right just suddenly sometimes clicks into place.
Also – DEADPOOL IS AWESOME!