2016 got pretty crappy this past 2 weeks.
I’ll be honest, I’ve never been any good at adulting, I’ve never admitted any differently, but I try. That’s got to be worth something, right?
Anyway, I’d been reassessing my life, and what I was getting out of it (or more to the point, what I could change to get more out of life). I decided that paying over half of my earnings to a landlord that gave precisely zero fucks about me wasn’t how I wanted to live my life any more. It was time to move on. I wanted to save for a future with my partner. I want to make memories with him, and for us to have a good future.
So I did. I started packing. I discovered that my flat wasn’t actually overly expensive. So what could I do?
As luck should have it, a friend was selling a caravan that had served her husband well whilst he was working away from home, as he was retired, they no longer had use for her. So I now own ‘Tess’.
Anyway, it was my birthday last month. I’d arranged a place to site my new home, paid a deposit, and we took Tess up to her new home.
The day before Iw as due to leave the country for a birthday away in Malta with my parents & my partner, I got a call from the site. They didn’t want Tess there. She ‘looks old’. She is old. She’s a 1990 Tabbert Comtesse 530. Tabbert being a make favoured by travellers. Basically, I’d been branded a pikey, but they couldn’t say that.
They offered a newer caravan that was being sold by someone else on the site, so we accepted (I needed somewhere to go, and we were told that the only problem was there was no hot water – could be fixed…).
So off we went to Malta for a week. We spent time with my partners family who live over there, and it was wonderful to be able to forget the past few stressful months of work, and look forward to the future. Saving so much money, I would finally be able to save for a good future with my partner. Things were looking up!!
We arrived back in the UK, with Storm Katie doing her thing, but I was moving house. Moving to my very own place!! HUZZAH!!!
Bank Holiday Monday – We drove up to the site. We were super excited to see my new place! Get my things in, and start making a home.
But no…things don’t go that way do they?! The van they had sold us was damp everywhere, it had mould growing on the carpet. A mini flood in the battery cabinet. It hadn’t even been cleaned before it was put in storage for the winter. This was way worse than Tess!!
So we got the money back, but I was now homeless. 3 days of searching for a place to go seemed fruitless. My partner had taken 2 days off work to help me. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been by my side. We even visited a traveller site to check out the possibility of going there.
After seemingly endless searching, at 5pm on the Wednesday, we put Tess on her new pitch. So I was no longer homeless!
I’d taken the past 2 days off work, so I told them my situation, explained that I had to get my things from my old flat the following day, but I’d be back in on the Friday.
So Thursday…I moved my things in, started organising. Took a deep breath, felt relieved. So much stress had been lifted (even though there was the matter of going to clean the old flat, but that could be done at the weekend no problem!). A day of bustling and sorting, and I took myself off for tea.
As I was tucking into my amazing food, my partner called. He came to meet me. Straight away I knew something was wrong, and more or less forced him to tell me what the problem was. After all, a problem shared, right?
My uncle had passed away.
Mick was diagnosed with cancer at Christmas. I’d been finding it difficult to deal with, and had taken some time off work. This was the family stuff I mentioned in my last post.
He passed away very suddenly at his home on that day. My mum had called my partner as she didn’t want to have to tell me over the phone.
I spent the following day with my mum. Coming home to my cats and my own place was lovely though.
Naturally, things started to get on top of me at this point.
I was told by a manager to ‘pull yourself together’, when she caught me having a cry to myself in the kitchen.
I’m facing disciplinary action at work for the time I’ve taken off.
On Friday last week, my partner decided to end our relationship.
This final thing is the one that’s got me the most.
I went to the doctor today, who prescribed plenty of self care. So I got cream cakes for my lunch. Hell, I’m happy if I can eat after losing so much weight over the past 2 weeks. Don’t judge me!
All I can think of at this point is that I am so lucky to have friends that care about me, that check in with me regularly, and 2 cats who will happily stick their bums in my face when I am in bed.
I will say one thing though – My CBT helped me fend off negative thoughts I was having last week. Turns out those thoughts were right, but I was able to ignore them at the time. Kinda stuck in a negative thought loop now though.
But it’ll be ok. It’s always ok, isn’t it?