Friends

I am very lucky to know some absolutely wonderful people that have been there for me over the past 6 months when my life took a nose dive.  They continue to show love and support and I can’t say how thankful I am for that.

Not all of them are close in geographical terms, but this is where social media comes into it’s own.  Facebook has been a lifeline for me.  People have sent me messages of all kinds and it’s been really lovely to catch up with people I haven’t necessarily spoken to for a while.

I’ve had so many people assure me that how I’ve been feeling is normal after the breakdown of a relationship, and that’s helped a lot.

But…

I’ve been focusing on the wrong things.

I don’t think I’ve said how much I love and appreciate these people.  I’ve been too wrapped up in what sometimes feels like self indulgent, trite bullshit, despite them saying otherwise.

I’ve been wondering what he’s said to his friends about me and what happened. I actually bumped into one of them a few weeks ago, she asked how I was.  This is someone that I’d spent a great deal of time with during my relationship with my ex, and at no point over the previous months had she asked I was.  But she did on that day.

Why worry about what people like this think of me?

These aren’t the people that cared about me, and they are the people that probably only know his side of the story, so they’re not worth another moment of my time if they’re happy to judge me.

I’m not ashamed of suggesting that we try to work things out in two heartfelt emails that he decided to ignore.  I’m not going to apologise for sending him messages saying I miss him (I still do miss him) but that I wish him well.  That’s a normal part of getting over a heartbreak.  I haven’t spent my time sending him abuse, or being nasty.  I haven’t sent him messages every day of the week for the past 6 months.  I’m talking a handful of messages here…

Why on earth would I be ashamed for loving and caring so deeply about someone? He was everything to me, and that feeling isn’t going to disappear overnight.

What I am going to do now is try my best to carry on moving forward with my life.  To focus on those people that do love and appreciate me.

So to all the people that have been there for me, even if it’s just been sending a message of support, I can’t thank you enough.  I hope you know that you are very much loved by me, and I couldn’t have got this far without you xxx

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