I guess this sort of follows on from my previous post on ‘whoring out’ an undiagnosed mental illness.
This morning, my two cats went into the vets to be spayed. I’ve had 3 cats spayed before, so really it’s no big deal.
No big deal.
Can someone tell my body that?
I showered, dressed, and headed the girls into their carrier, thinking the whole time how warm it seemed in the house. Not that odd, considering the sun is shining.
But it’s really not that warm outside.
I walked up to the vets, and started to feel faint as I was so hot, and my hands were particularly damp.
We went into the consulting room, filled in some forms and I gave Momo and Hitomi cuddles. At this point I thought I was going to pass out. I knew I wasn’t breathing properly, and it was starting to make me feel dizzy.
Finally I was outside again, and my beautiful girls were left in the capable hands of the vets.
No big deal. Standard, simple operation.
So why won’t my body accept it?
I’ve ordered breakfast but can’t eat it, my tummy hurts and my throat feels like it’s going to close up. My hands are tingling and why is it so hot in here?
I’m fully aware of what is happening to me. It’s an anxiety attack. But knowing what is happening, and even why, doesn’t help me take control of it.
I need to do something to take my mind off the butterflies trying to get out of my chest, but all I can do is ride it out.
I can’t sit still.
It’s so hot in here.