I often wonder if adults have any idea of how their actions can affect children.
I was relatively lucky that when my parents split up, there was no awful court case to go through. There was no back and forth to court. And there was no badmouthing in front of me.
My father could see me whenever he wanted.
If he took up that contact, it was up to him, but I am so in awe of my mother, who never once said a bad word about him to me, despite everything that had happened between them.
I wonder if people who will openly discuss what a bastard their ex is in front of their children realise the damage it does?
I wonder if they realise that stopping children from seeing their parents will have a massive effect on them, and ultimately, their relationship with both parents?
It took over 30 years to come to terms with the effect that my father’s treatment of me has had (and continues to have) on me.
However much you hate the person you laid down and reproduced with, it’s not the children’s fault.
I was never aware, at aged 3, what ‘divorce’ was. I didn’t know about ‘court’ or anything to do with what was going on. It’s not a child’s place to know these things.
Obviously, I speak from my own experiences, and there are cases where the mother or father should definitely be kept away from the children, but I’m speaking from my point of view here.
I have seen instances of parents openly shouting and swearing at each other in front of children, even violence in front of them, and I can only assume that’s to get some bizarre kind of one up on the other, but it’s absolutely abhorrent behaviour.
Children should not have to witness hatred between their parents, if both parents want the best for their children. There is no oneupmanship in the case of parental contact.
It’s the children that have to live with the lifelong effects of an adults behaviour. They will come to understand everything, and most likely it will irrevocably damage the relationships with parents.
It’s our responsibility as adults to behave in a way that sets a good example for youngsters. Shouting and swearing at people in front of them does not set a good example of how we should behave, nor does violence.