Hello hello! I hope you ate all well and the first couple of weeks of the new year are treating you well.

I’m getting over the post Christmas slump. New Year week I only left the house twice. I was feeling fed up and just couldn’t face the effort involved in getting myself ready to go out anywhere – not such a great place to be.

Last Sunday, however, I forced myself to take advantage of the very brief moment of motivation I felt, and suggested we go on a ‘little bike ride’.

10 miles later we returned home.

Isn’t my bike beautiful?! A wonderful Christmas present!

Anyway, it was anything but a ‘little bike ride’! I was knackered when we got back, but I felt fantastic! It was wonderful feeling that sense of achievement at having done such a slog for the first trip on a bike in years!

So I vowed to get healthy.

This past week I’ve started a healthier life – eating plenty of fruit veggies, cut out caffeine (I had a headache for 4 days!!), less fat and no processed foods, plenty of water (I’m loving water with a few slices of cucumber in it), try to excercise every day, and cut out alcohol altogether.

The result after the first week?

I’m sleeping better, my skin is looking healthier, I feel better physically and my energy level is higher. I’m certainly feeling less like I need an afternoon nap.

Hopefully, over time, the benefits will extend to my mental health too, even though I know I’ll never be ‘cured’, I think that positive physical feelings will only help my mental health.

It can be really difficult to get the motivation to exercise, so I try to at least do a few stretches, or maybe walk to the end of the road and back just to get a little bit in. It definitely helps how I’m feeling mentally, and the sense of achievement for doing something when you don’t necessarily feel like it is brilliant.

I’ve done a whole week and I’m already feeling the benefits, so I’m feeling motivated to carry on in this positive way!

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4am…

So, it’s 4am, and I’ve not yet slept.  Hurrah for insomnia!

I’m no stranger to this stupid fucked up sleep cycle, I’ve been living with it for years, but I’ll never get over the fact that 4am is so utterly boring!

I’ve been looking at recipes.  Mainly healthy ones.  It can never hurt to try to eat healthier, can it?

I’ve been browsing the Shitty Watercolour Facebook page.

Listened to another episode of Paul Temple.

My brain isn’t ready to switch off.

A million and one things are racing round my head.  I wonder how they all fit in there.

Just had a mug of hot chocolate, but now I feel sick.

I should probably go back to bed as I have important things to do tomorrow.

It’s too late to take a zopiclone, as I won’t be up before lunchtime if I do that now, and if I was to be, I’d have the mother of all hangovers from it.

I kind of hope that spilling here will allow me to get at least a couple of hours sleep.

I wish I could put my finger on one particular thing that’s bothering me right at this moment, but I guess it’s a culmination of things.  So many things in this old brain.

I applied to go back to uni, so I’m on pins and needles waiting to hear about that.  I’d love to be able to finish my Film Studies course, but unfortunately, it’s not as simple as it may seem.

I’m totally lacking motivation to do anything at the moment, so that’s making me feel guilty.  I enjoyed the sun the other day though, and went for a nice walk.  Baby steps.

I wish people would mind their own sodding business, and focus on their own lives rather than trying to ruin other peoples.  Makes me think of the old ‘people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones’.

I’m worried about this whole election business.  Still no one seems to know what Brexit is, and whilst the media are talking about Diane Abbot getting muddled up in an interview, the government are pushing through some very worrying policies that will affect our young people.

One of my cats has been more clingly than usual since she was spayed the other week, and I don’t know if I should be concerned about that or not.

I feel terribly guilty for not making more effort to see people this past goodness knows how many months.  I currently don’t have a car, so I’m feeling somewhat isolated.  I liked being able to just go out for a drive sometimes, particularly if the weather was nice.  Just go and see places.

I don’t have a light summer jacket.  I have cardigans and winter coats, but nothing really in between, so I was thinking of making the ‘bomber jacket’ from Gerties  ‘Gertie Sews Vintage Casual: A Modern Guide to Sportswear Styles of the 1940s and 1950s’ (seriously, something I’ve been thinking about whilst unable to sleep!).

There was something about shoes too, but that’s not in my brain any more.

I worry a lot.  I think too much.

I need to sleep.  It’s now almost 5am.  Fingers crossed for the sandman.

xxx